Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
