My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
