I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
