i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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