Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
