Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
