Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
