i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
