On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
