so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
