I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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