I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize