I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
