it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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