even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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