first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
