just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize