Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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