Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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