we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
