Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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