I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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