I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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