i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
