Your face is a jimmy john
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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