my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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