So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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