she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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