Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
