Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
