I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
