I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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