Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
