He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thank you for not boning my boss.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
