I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize