So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
