I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
