Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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