somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
