addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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