did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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