omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize