i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
