hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
