Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
