Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this boner is exhausting
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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