Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Im part way to drunk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
