I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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