i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
