I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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