Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize