i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
