The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
