Ambien. No doubt about it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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