I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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