just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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