apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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