the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
