Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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