it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
