the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
