Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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