Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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