The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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