STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
