the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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