Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
