I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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