i permit you to call me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
