I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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