I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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