I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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