i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
