walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
